


Moments

by TheHotdagaIsTrueArt



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Maybe OOC, Not Happy, Not like sad either idk, Zoe's POV, it does mention connors death so, just kinda a look into zoes life, just know that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:27:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12337302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHotdagaIsTrueArt/pseuds/TheHotdagaIsTrueArt
Summary: It was always about Connor.





	Moments

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted fic. Warnings only go for things that happened in the musical.

It was always about Connor. 

They had been friends once, maybe, when they were very young, Zoe thought she might remember a time when she didn’t actively avoid her brother. But that was forever ago.

When he had thrown the printer at his teacher, Zoe’s parents had to go in and talk to the principal. They missed her talent show performance. Despite that, she defended Connor when her parents had told Zoe what happened. 

When Connor hit another kid after school in 5th grade, their parents had to go in and smooth things over with the other family. They missed her recital. She had tried to comfort Connor that night. He had yelled at her.

When Connor was found with weed in his bag in 8th grade, their parents had to talk to a whole range of people, everyone from the principal to the police. They missed Zoe’s birthday dinner. In fact, they missed nearly the entire day, she had come home to an empty house and gone to bed in an empty house. She hadn’t spoken to him in days.

The list went on and on, big things like concerts were missed, awards ceremonies, or 8th grade grad night, but the small things counted, too. Like how Zoe learned quickly that she couldn’t rely on her parents for homework help because Connor was usually the focus of the evening, and that no matter what she did, no matter how much better she was at anything than Connor, she would never have their attention. 

Connor had picked up the guitar in 6th grade. He’d played for less than a month before tossing it aside. Larry and Cynthia had been displeased with this, had tried to get him to stick to it since it was a great creative outlet, but to no avail. Zoe had started playing a week later and still was, not that she would get a pat on the back for it. No, she would get some distracted comments that were usually something like “Sounds great, honey,” and a few concerts with her family there. If they missed it, it’d be because Connor did something. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe her parents just forgot.

Connor had come to a concert once. Neither of her parents had been there, but he was in the audience. Afterwards, she had approached him and he had said something nice for once. Zoe didn’t really remember what it was. He had given her a ride home and got her ice cream on the way. Things felt okay for a moment. When they got home Larry yelled at Connor for not telling them where he was going. Zoe had walked away, not knowing how to defend someone she barely knew anymore. The next day, things were back to normal. 

Zoe had skipped school once. She had been stressed and a teacher’s comment pushed her over the edge. She left after first period and walked to the library a mile from the school. She had gotten back to school in time to take the bus home. Her mother had been waiting at home, she had been called by the school. Cynthia cried and Larry yelled and Zoe was grounded for a week. At the moment, she thought she might understand why Connor acted how he did. It was the most attention she had gotten from her parents in months. 

It was always about Connor. Even her first real relationship, as much as she tried to make it not about Connor, had happened because of Connor. Because he was dead.

After Connor was gone and the whole project ordeal was over, her parents talked to her more often. But the attention didn’t feel right. Zoe felt sick. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was just the wrongness of Connor not being there. It was about Connor, though.

Zoe graduated early, she had to get out of there. One of the last things Cynthia said to her before she left for Yale was _Connor would be proud._

 _Connor wouldn’t care._ Zoe thought. But no one really knew. 

It had always been about Connor, but Zoe didn’t know life any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago and just found it and fixed it up. Let me know how you felt about it. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thanks for reading!


End file.
